Archive | March, 2012

Deep Trance

Jess writes:

Dear bad advice,
My current landlady believes that I came to her for a reason. A reason other than cheap and clean accommodation. I have been sent here to be saved by the power of jesus christ and it’s up to her to save me.  For weeks I have been politely nodding and even asking a question or two as she pushes books and religion on me. She tells me that practicing yoga is witch craft and god will punish me with nose bleeds. Actually as I have been writing this she came into my room to inform me about something on god tv. She is a sweet old lady who wants what she thinks is the best for me but it’s driving me crazy. How can I politely tell her to shut the fuck up?

To which I respond:

I’m going to go ahead and assume you already told her that you are a witch, and that the last time someone tried to pull this stunt on you, you threw their box of bibles in the bonfire. If this is so, and she’s still coming after you, you’re going to have to step it up. I think your best bet is to use your powers directly against hers. Tell her you’ve got something to show her on God TV and then hypnotize her with the following video:

Once she is in a deep trance, you can politely tell her to shut the fuck up and she’ll do whatever you say.

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