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You don’t say that UNLESS…. You are new here! WELCOME <3

It’s not everyday that a new person comes to your area, or to be honest it might everyday but you don’t most likely get a chance to meet them and remain in your circle of people you know. It’s not that sad it’s pretty true though.

When a new person enters your inner sanctum you are both happy and scared, sometime resentful. You are like “well I do like this person in some ways, they are attractive physically to me but I fear they are more likable and perhaps accomplished than me and it makes me scared for my own security and success”.

But the best thing you can do is try to love them in your mind forever, to imagine them as a baby and how innocent and helpless they were. They are still like that but with the scars and weakness and habits of age. Even if they are well spoken or well read they will appreciate your kindness in some secret ways, even if they act as if kindness is meaningless to them.

One possible problem is that your kindness with make you look weak and stupid (not smart) but in this reporters opinion this is a dated fear from the 90’s.

So love everyone but touch no one and kill a pig with a single sword swipe you sick hungry nasty readers.
We love you!

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Hard to believe you live like that

We are baffled tho, we feel completely on fire and also like…nothing, seriously though, drained of life force, yeah like, nothing at all. We’re watching in disbelieve like an out of body experience and like… we had to turn away. CAUSE in all seriousness it was TOO DISTURBING!!! Our flesh is failing! Our bone too 🙂

Seriously though, our flesh is falling off the bone. hahaha not really just like in a restaurant way.

We are announcing our new restaurant based on a video game!!!

Listen to us when we say: THIS MAGAZINE IS A” SUCCESS STORY”
It’S DIGITAL.
It has over 20,000 readers a day.
It is sexual.
It is at war.
It is using every color all the time to make you sick.
You feel sick right? And tired????!!! THAT’S us.

And you are reading it! You are one of our readers! The life in your blood and skin is dying but you are reading this magazine hahahahahahahaha. Thats like conquering you!!! Or owning you!!!! That’s like we got married hahahaha. You married a magazine and now you are living out your life wasting all your health but reading this shit.

but you know what?
THIS SHIT RULES!

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It’s LIKE another labor day over here!! we’re working hard and nothing is coming together, missing all the deadlines, but whatev!!!!! ORRRRR uhhhhh thats what it seems at first, at first glance and then we like play some early morning VIDEO GAMES and then get some food, the sense memories fade. we’re prime! come over and shine your light on us and help us desperately, give and take and we will both feed.

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DRUG TESTING ENFORCED

There will now be, upon decree and mandatory statute, DRUG TESTING @ FFF offices to ensure that less and less of the kinds of people we don’t want don’t walk thru our doors. It’s time to shut down the use of such substances in the office and we need to clean up the scene around here SO THAT we have less of this stuff flowing thru the septic and less powders on the table stool.

We are trying to write a MAGAZINE! WE ARE OLD NEWSPAPER MEN.

ONLY one person here plays anything other than guitar.

He is an ex molester or future one, i can’t remember.

IF we had had a drug test in effect at the time we could have AVOIDED all this diseases and suffering. BUT it was a bilateral descision and one not made lightly.

At the time.

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What’s the buzz about?

Dear baddaddvice,

I got a haircut when I was back in Vancouver and it was fantastic. Unfortunately, I ended up with a shitty haircut (the haircut was fantastic because the woman cutting my hair pushed my head into her breasts a lot and they were really nice, big, soft breasts). So, tonight in camp I tried cutting my hair myself and I made something that was already bad, worse. There are no barbers here. What do I do!?!?!?!?!

To which I respond:

Buzz buzz buzz. Stop being a perv.

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