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Posts published in April 2012

Wayne says: LOVE is BORA BORA!

Dear Wayne,
I’m afraid I’m losing my mind. Every time I have a break at work, or use the bathroom, or have to wait in line at the coffee shop I end up retreating back to my phone and looking at apps like Instagram to occupy my time. This hasn’t been anything other than a way to escape my immediate mundane circumstances, until lately. I know it’s creepy, but as I scroll through photos of everyone I follow, I eventually select the “info” button then the “search instagram” option then the “names and usernames” option and then I type in the name of my ex’s new girlfriend. I look at all of her photos and look at the pictures that he likes and the things that she does. I also scroll through his photos and look at the ones that she likes and read all of their comments to each other. I understand that it’s unhealthy for me to focus so much on their new relationship, that’s not why I feel crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy because I can’t get him to “like” any of my pictures, even if I take photos of the exact same thing that she does! What am I doing wrong? How can I get him to “like” me again?
Sincerely,
Desperately Needing to be “Liked”

Dear DNTBL-

Indeed- Romance does work in quizzical and curious ways. But let’s start first by changing your name from DNTBL (Desperately Needing to be “Liked”) to DIAGE-IABTHWTHSI (Damnit I AM Good Enough)-(I Am Better than Her Whoever The Hell She Is).

While your relationship may have careened off the highway, there are many ways to fill up your tank, push the gas and steer that clunker back on the road again, toward the beautiful sun stroked beach called love/romance. I’ve taken my ques from the birds and if you follow my steps below to getting him back, he will not only like you but he will actually fall back in love with you. DIAGE-you can have it all and here’s how…

1. Displays – exuberant plumage- advertise your stunning qualities with lots of colors that will razzle dazzle the eye and remember posture does help. He needs to see you looking your best, flaunt it. I’ll spell it out -accentuate the T and the A.
2. Singing – Keep song in your life- remember she’s your lifelong companion- and let that special someone know that you have that voice – the sweet sounds of melody mixed with harmony. you will quickly find your solo becoming a duet.
3. Dancing – Dancing can be seductive so show him your moves- not so much of a booty shakin’ full frontal assault, but a more subtle approach.
4. Preening – OK- This is tough one. You got to get to him- Let him know that when he enters your spatial sphere that it is safe and inviting. You don’t need to take care of him but let him know that you’re here for him. Remember romance is not Tora Bora but Bora Bora.
5. Feeding – I think this one is the ultimate seducter- Dinners is just as important as breakfast- spices and herbs are the elixir here. Men typically like to have food close at hand and the better the food, the closer he’ll be.
6. Building – This one may seem like it lacks the punch for the effort you may put in- but it’s a powerful way to grab his attention. To get you started I’ll provide a list of essentials – scented candles, fully stocked kitchen (see item 5), utensils that work, clean sheets, decent pillows, and of course cable TV. You get the gist- Think of it as your love bunker – it’s just you and him baby.. Make that date night where you stay in worth it.

If you stop checking for updates on that phone of yours and concentrate on building the most amazing you, his hat will be in his hand. Don’t forget- this is not a romantic comedy, this is your life.

HOROSCOPES!!! Ramona’s take on yr fate.

Aries (March 21-April 19) When Pan, god of the wild, was born his mother ran screaming at the sight of the half goat infant.  His elders and peers thought that he was so damn funny looking they practically gave him an award.  It was not fair that he had to pick humility over pure honest love, but sometimes dear Aries we find strength and courage in even the deepest wounds, and then make it our own.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) Have you ever heard of a cheeta blaster?  I had the highest of hopes of what a cheeta blaster could be, then when told it was an instrument that blew up a tire onto a wheel frame, I became bummed at the world’s practicality.  Nothing is wrong with being practical, it’s what keeps our feet on the ground, but sometimes when one foot after the other isn’t enough we need to make giant mountains out of mole hills just to survive.  I urge you, when the days follow the tune to tightly, just take a look at the old can opener, and give it the name “tornado extruder”, it could make all the difference.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) If you want to eat a shark for dinner that is less than 3 feet long, knock it out and stuff an oar down its throat, but don’t’ deem it safe for eating until its head is removed.  You, Gemini, are a true survivor when entering a new enviroment, but remember to cut the head off before you let your gaurd down.  Its not only for your own safelty but everyone else around.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) In the grand scheme of things, knowing what you want is only half of getting it. The path to achieving your goals is an upward climb that requires you to break in new boots and endure sudden thunderstorms.  You, my dear Cancer, are adept at knowing where you are going, just be sure that you are prepared for any unforeseen inclement weather that may be brewing up ahead.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Two major appliances will die this month.  One will be irreplaceable, the other one you only bring out when a certain crowd is around.  No matter how many toys you have, Leo, you will always impress your friends.  Take time, in the coming days, to set aside the need for veneration and give your self time to reflect on losses that can’t be found again.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22) Of course don’t put all of your eggs in one basket, but don’t scatter them to far either.  Sooner or later you will forget that red one under the rose bush, you’ll follow that stink to the edge of the garden only to watch it being devoured by squirrels. Keep your eyes peeled on the goods, otherwise your misplaced eggs will be forgotten.
Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22) Dot-dot-dot, dash-dash-dash, dot-dot-dot is morse code for SOS (save our souls), however dot-dot-dot, dash-dash-dash, dot-dash-dot-dot, is morse code for SOL (shit out of luck).  It is a great trait to be as easygoing as you are but be aware that not everyone around you can go through life with such ease and forgiveness. Your subtle mistakes could translate into you waiting for the rescue boat for quite some time.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov. 21)  If you want to ask a real stumper of a question don’t already know the answer.  There is nothing for a know it all to gain but the disdain of those around them. You have a thick three ring binder full of blood felt knowledge but its worthless to reread it if you aren’t getting new information out of it.  Its time to start with a fresh piece of paper.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21) Would you follow your dreams to the ends of the earth or would you take your dreams for a long walk off a short pier?  Its not your ambitions that succeeds you Sagittarius, but your ruthlessness.  Treat your dreams like a brand new puppy: feed it, pet it, love it. If you keep dragging it behind you will become nothing but a negligent dog walker.
Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19) We all know that goats can stand on a ledge the size of a tightrope.  A girl told me the other day that “at any rate in the future the smallest kind of goat may be in outer space.”  I have no idea what that means, but its hard to imagine such a ridged animal floating down the Milky Way, however that image is truly uplifting.  Let yourself go capricorn, we all know what your capable of.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) – Sometimes friendships can start off like molasses but end up like warm honey.  The steady change from cold to warm is as natural as the sun rising from morning fog to noonday heat.  Some people may be unaccustomed to the delicate process, but don’t take that as a reason to leave.  It’s important to allow the natural world to unfold in it’s own time without your interference.  Further, it is equally if not more important that you take time to experience how that process unfolds.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Fairy tales encourage us of the possibility that there is true happiness to be found in the world. Sleeping Beauty fell victim to the witch’s curse but was released when the hansom prince slayed the witch turned dragon.  Hansel and Gretel outsmarted the witch and found their way home again.  Use these stories as motivation, Pisces.  When you show your dedication and heartfelt devotion to pursuing what you know to be right you too will live happily ever after.

Fashion is getting crazy

Have you ever seen an item of clothing you wanted so bad but could not afford or did not have room in your closet for? Have you ever wanted to touch someone else’s clothes just cause they looked so good? You have!! I certainly have felt that way, and today’s designer HAS TOO. Check out the latest design from Harlo Payne!

Lolly Donny Gets Busted out of Jail

It’s true everyone! Have you ever just wanted to get the f out of jail but you were going nowhere? Have you ever wanted to bust out and collect 40,000 Euros for being a dufus rex in tonton Park and Milford Gross was blocking your escape route. Have you waited and waited only to receive a crappy and bad diagnosis and THEN had to pay bunch loads of $$$ for the bad luck? Well Lolly Donny had had enough this week, I guess! He broke right out of jail and went to the MALL. HE WENT RIGHT TO THE MALL TO BUY FRESH FRUIT!! WTF. If I was locked in prison for 100 years and a half, I would not do anything but die there and if I was released I would not be able to find a job and would end up bad in JAIL. But what does Lolly think of all this? he’s like “I’m breakin out!!”

The Hobo Lane is Mane Coon

In an effort to reach out to the powers that be and feeling wrong in the face of Lone Bone, Mane Coon and Man Approaches have made an infinite pact and had to give up a little control over the beast and have lost the grip on all that is and are now whining in the face of and waiting out the storm and wanting ultimate in glory soldiers whole .

WOW MONKEYS!!!

Did you know that when monkeys yawn it’s sometimes because they are tired, and sometimes because they are mad? Same goes with Human Beings so watch out cause you might be both TIRED and MAD, that can KILL YOU!

Vintage Looks are in!

FFF is out on the runway checking out the latest stuff by everyone in the buisness. We see the cool clothes. We want to buy them, we look into buying them and we ask the price. We negotiate a wholesale price for the garment. It is not too much but A LOT. We use the company card and drive back to the office in the company car!!

Laura Montonton is Insincere

When someone says “…I didn’t mean to make you mad about it!”, you must believe them. It’s really your best choice in the situation because if you choose to question them and not believe them you will feel scared and they will feel like a criminal under scrutiny unjustly prosecuted. If you choose, however, to believe them, you lift them up and forge them anew as they are and they don’t feel so bad about themselves and you can go on having romance in your life.

 

ITS NOT BAD OUT THERE


The incidence of crime nationwide decreased again, according to our just released Crime in the United States report. Overall, the estimated volume of violent crimes in 2010 dropped 6 percent compared to the 2009 figure, the fourth consecutive year it has declined. For the eighth consecutive year, the volume of property crimes went down as well—2.7 percent.

 

The report was compiled from data submitted to us by more than 18,000 city, county, university and college, state, tribal, and federal law enforcement agencies from around the nation. It contains information on the number of reported murders and non-negligent manslaughters, forcible rapes, robberies, aggravated assaults, burglaries, larceny-thefts, motor vehicle thefts, and arsons.

 

Violent crime offenses were down across the board—the largest decrease was robbery, down 10.0 percent. Property crime offenses went down as well—the largest decline, 7.4 percent, was for motor vehicle thefts.

 

Winning is all that matters.

His team is without a first-round pick, but Atlanta Falcons general manager Thomas Dimitroff said that really hasn’t changed how the organization has geared up for next week’s NFL draft.

The Falcons don’t pick until the second round (No. 55 overall). They traded away their first-round pick last year to move up in the 2011 draft and land wide receiverJulio Jones.

“We’ve still done our homework on all the players in this draft, like we always do,’’ Dimitroff said in a phone interview Thursday afternoon. “We all have seen situations in the past where players have fallen that people weren’t expecting to fall. We have to be prepared for any scenario.’’

 

A Garden, A Chariot

A million white flowers in a field in the sky
Seemed to spell out a greeting as the children flew by
A guard in a chariot of silver and gold
Gave the children all tickets, then the story he told
Of a time in the future that was sunshine and flowers
And the children grew sleepy in the sky’s white towers
They dreamed of the story that the guard had displayed
They saw all the wonders, tiny minds were amazed
They saw candy forests and dragons that breathed fire
On all that was evil in the misty mire

They came to the village where the turtles in caves
Made pies for the people and the lemonade
The people lived out by the sea and each day
The seagulls would wake them as they passed on their way
The people were kindly, they would sing to the sky
And each bright new morning, the sun shone from their eyes
The children passed over and all the people could see
As they dived from the sky to the treacle sea
They bathed on the white sand, minutes turned into hours
And the children all giggled and gave each other flowers

The King from his castle came down to the sea
And he spoke to the children so patiently
He gave them small presents and bid them farewell
And the children unwrapped them, tiny silver bells
Their tinkling floated across the island with ease
And it came back toward them on the perfume breeze
They smiled at the tinkling, they gazed at the sun
And they smiled at each other, pretty little ones
A beautiful white horse came down to the sea
And the children all climbed up as he knelt on one knee

They rode through the valleys and high over hills
And they laughed oh so loudly, their fear to kill
They came to a lakeside of deep velvet and green
And they all stared in wonder at its beauty serene
They climbed from the white horse, they watch as it goes
As they stood by the green lake for to kiss their toes
A boat in the distance was suddenly there
Waiting to take the children to anywhere
The porcupine captain said that he didn’t mind
In his coat of black needles, he looked very kind

His crew were six rabbits with fluffy white ears
And the children all stroked them and lost all their fears
They sailed through the sunshine, across the green lake
And they drank lemonade and they ate ice-cream cake
They landed in a dark cave as the boat disappeared
And they all stood in darkness, through the shadows they peered
But out of the blackness shone diamonds so bright
Their tiny white hands shielded eyes from the light
In a pool of quicksilver stood Neptune so wise
And pearls were his white teeth, bright diamonds his eyes

He spoke to the children in a voice of velvet
And he beckoned them to him, in a circle they sat
He told of sky island and of his magic cave
And magic pink seashells to the children he gave
They listened intently as the music came far
From the magic pink seashells and nobody talked
But Neptune had vanished when they lifted their eyes
So they walked from the cave as two kingfishers cried
In the bright shiny sunlight, they got down on one knee
They listened to the sea shells of the magical sea

But the day grew much darker, so they climbed on the breeze
And they floated to the village, and the people were pleased
To see them so happy with their tinkling bells
And the people all listened to the musical shells
But the children were so sad, the time had come to leave
So the people waved goodbye and begged them to believe
Of the wonders they had seen in the island of the sky
And the children said they would and away they did fly
Through the white clouds of no time till forever it seems
And the children stayed children and they lived in their dreams

New Bags by Peter Sachel

Peter Sachel is well known to the fashion world for bags that function and work. How about it? Use it as a bag, an accessory, a thing that you love having in your room or closet.

How to make a potion

In the natural magic calendar, the spring festival is aligned with the spring equinox, around March 21st, called Imbolc. It is the day in spring when the nights and days are the exact same length. The original “Easter” festival was related to Oestara, the goddess of dawn, Eos in Greek and the much older Babylonian Ishtar, the goddess of sex, war and fertility. The Christians liked to assimilate the existing festivals and now we have Easter, but the traditional magic of  giving each other eggs is bigger today than ever; and of course, we all know what bunnies are particularly well known for!