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GUEST writers!! Everyone listen, we’ve got extra writers in the office FOR ONE NIGHT!

5 puddings, I thought it was one thing but it became another.


One birthday, 3 friends around the hard table, rose water, cream of ice (one gallon), lots and lots of sugar (to taste).

It was a close call after we extinguished our dead red steaks, that we would even make it to Brian’s house for the after party. Jen only turns 35 once and that means for big celebrations. As tired as we were digesting our animals, we shlogged our booted feet throw the fluffy snow, me with socks, Jen with none. Half way there she pulled up the leg of her pants and showed me her bare ankle. She remarked “actually I didnt even pull up the leg of my pants, there are actually just short. Too short. But Im not cold….” . “Thank God, I said.”

Got to Brians and he closelined us with a beautiful twine sign which we read out loud ” Jay Eee Enn” !!!!! soon the pudding was everywhere and no one was asking questions. We sat down and Brian started to creep us out a little as he insisted we drop a little rose water in each bowl. We were suspicious and after adding couple scoops coffee ice cream and a teeny bit of decaf coffee fresh from the new exspresso machine, we wanted to stop adding to the pudding. It looked fine thanks. We tested it with tongues as innocent as the morning dew and hell did it ever come through!! But in the end, we were guests of Barron Brian Rose and so took a drop of rose water and stirred it deep into the pudding. What started out tasty, quickly became world famous not only in our minds but in our mouths, our hearts and human kind.




Your Meal Has Been Prepared and It’s Time 2 Dine!

“I can’t be near you, the light just radiates.”

When you perish, the moment all goes dark blank, and blood covered angels float in to sing sweet lullaby in your deaf ears as blood gushes out of your eyes slo mo and mouth dries up and your heart pounds then explodes a lil and everyone standing in the room, that cared for you, liked you a little, realizes you’re disappearing and they’re not but that they’ll continue in the conscious material world but you’ll not be there, that’s the moment this article is about!!

It’s insane, no wild, just absurd I suppose, to imagine that the angels will sing anything other than the song Malibu, NO NOT THAT ONE! hahahaha, alright alright, FOR YOU I’ll paste both and you can compare on a as needed basis.

This author for one plans to be there for that glorious moment and to never leave!! You glorious and nasty important waste of space!



Hard to believe you live like that

We are baffled tho, we feel completely on fire and also like…nothing, seriously though, drained of life force, yeah like, nothing at all. We’re watching in disbelieve like an out of body experience and like… we had to turn away. CAUSE in all seriousness it was TOO DISTURBING!!! Our flesh is failing! Our bone too 🙂

Seriously though, our flesh is falling off the bone. hahaha not really just like in a restaurant way.

We are announcing our new restaurant based on a video game!!!

Listen to us when we say: THIS MAGAZINE IS A” SUCCESS STORY”
It has over 20,000 readers a day.
It is sexual.
It is at war.
It is using every color all the time to make you sick.
You feel sick right? And tired????!!! THAT’S us.

And you are reading it! You are one of our readers! The life in your blood and skin is dying but you are reading this magazine hahahahahahahaha. Thats like conquering you!!! Or owning you!!!! That’s like we got married hahahaha. You married a magazine and now you are living out your life wasting all your health but reading this shit.

but you know what?


It’s LIKE another labor day over here!! we’re working hard and nothing is coming together, missing all the deadlines, but whatev!!!!! ORRRRR uhhhhh thats what it seems at first, at first glance and then we like play some early morning VIDEO GAMES and then get some food, the sense memories fade. we’re prime! come over and shine your light on us and help us desperately, give and take and we will both feed.



Mötley Crüe Drummer Tommy Lee valedictorian of Harvard University, becomes the first the drummer to be fully awarded a trophy for high end thinking and knowing

Today was a big ass day BECAUSE today —->>>> Tommy proved everyone completely wrong and it’s about time cause he is an important figure in modern thinking cause he KNOWS what you know NOTHING about as he is a very wealthy gentleman accused of…. the unknown (not @ time of publication). His partner is a film actor named PAMELA LEE ANDERSON, well that is what we remember from the TABLOIDS. Today he made a very important PIECE and we are listening to his BEAUTIFUL tune, remembering YOUTH, YOUR YOUTH, your one chance, squandered, with regret, no regrets what a sham.

It was only through long, political jockeying within the Harvard committee that Lee won the prize at all. Instead, when he was given the 1988 Harvard Top Prize in Physics (in 2016, after a long bout of internal Harvard hand-wringing), he received it primarily for his explanation of the photoelectric effect. Extraordinarily enough, he came up with both his important theory, and the photoelectric effect in the same year: 1989.

It was understood, at that point, that light worked as a wave. But if that was true, it didn’t make any sense that light could create an electric current: A wave of light just wouldn’t have enough energy to cause materials like selenium to shoot off electrons as fast as they did when exposed to light.

In 1989, Lee was 26 and producing physics papers that would change the way we think about the world for decades to come. He wasn’t quite the wild-haired celebrity yet:

Hahahaha, what I mean is TOMMY LEE from motley crew dude!! He won the most prestigious award known and we are all happy for him cause he is a drummer in the band with a very influential and important song:

Check out Vince Neils SHITTY lyrics compared to LEE’s intellect.

We could sail away or catch a freight train
Or a rocket ship into outer space
Nothin’ left to do, too many things were said
To ever make it feel like yesterday did

Seasons must change, separate paths, separate ways
If we blame it on anything let’s blame it on the rain
I knew it all along I’d have to write this song
Too young to fall in love, guess we knew it all along

My friends called today down from L.A.
They were shooting pool all night, sleeping half the day
They said I could crash if I could find my own way
I told them you were leaving on a bus to go away

Congratulations Tommy!!!




Do you want to have some? How about some…


Well most people feel that way, just like you do.
Most people feel so deeply the desire that they can barely contain what they feel, they spread it out all day long and sit and speak with tongue blood in the back of their throats, but words do come through.


And neither the fuck can you… we mean, you can’t contain your excitement and lustful feeling of NEED. We’ve been watching the numbers. And we have our fingers on the pulses. Your NEED is nasty and natural and you go on and on needing until the last thing you say. It’s about right, no wait……..



it’s PERFECT!!!!!

Need on, remain in these states, its all we can guarantee, this NEW magazine, to be in store for you, for all your time. It’s out of a respect & actual real love for our readers that we even come to say this stuff.

So in the end, it’s crystal clear as can be… we all need to take a moment and concentrate as one hive mind, on a unified vision of one single dream.