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Posts published in “Stuff”

Two longhairs wild men living on the fringes perish in murder/suicide woods fire of the alps: famous poet Grizzly Murders and celebrated scientist Brains Brogan, both with banging bodies

Last night, wee hours, classic hi end smoke billowed into the apple crisp air over the Alps. On the outskirts of a lil village time forgot, in the wet thicket, past the old mill, deep into the tree pile/fur leaf darkness alone, a cabin was high burning, valuable old wood cabin caught fire.

It was the cute cabin of acclaimed/renowned scientist and theologian, Dr. Brains Brogan. Everybody of the Alps knew he lived there alone like a freak in the woods. Everyone over there was aware of his presence, but in the woods away, everyone was skeptical, sometimes fearful, but yeah glad he did not show his face in the village & was never seen in town. He was an American scientist but had moved to the Alps in 2002 after disappearing from the USA.

Brogan’s charred banging body was found in the cabin and also, sadly, the body of one other.

Alpine authorities now say they know exactly what has happened and held a press conference early this mourning in Switzerland, the Alps (8am). Detective Stan Glass looked into the high end TV camera + told everyone watching: “It is a tragedy, yes, that any man would die, but in this case is is particularly sad/tragic that Brogan held the only cure in his addled mind. We will now not know & never will. We checked the police email last last night and what we believe happened is well known poet & theologian, Grizzly Murders of Waltham, Hono was sent to the Alpine cabin to assassinate aka murder or at least gather Brogan for a couple of reasons: On Dec 11, 2018 the Rose Family Council of Control requested Murders locate the cabin in the Alps -after catching wind that Brogan was still alive and considering releasing a book of theorems to honor the death of his closest from-school friend, Rose family father and FFF Magazine’s previous owner & head writer, Dr. Brian Rose.”

So yeah, that much is true, Rose family wanted to get our hot little hands on the manuscript and grip it tight to shreds. We had heard that Murders’d become a P.I. in recent years so we discussed and ultimately concluded, “Let’s contact him.” And we emailed [email protected] and were like:

“Hey Grizzly, It’s Blobby, So yeah, I guess you heard about my dad, I know you guys were close as kids… on another note though, I wanted to see if I/we could hire you to find an old enemy of the Rose family, someone we hate with a hard passion, I think you knew him at school, Brains W Brogan?? FUCK HIM but whatever. We caught wind he may be in the Alps living in a cabin like a freak/tool. We can offer you $250 to get him bring him and any manuscripts you may find on the property to us, in Glastonbury. We can PayPal you, does this address work? Anyway let me know.”

Murders replied within seconds saying “Not a problem.” Wow that was fast, so we figured within days we would see these men and the manuscripts on the front door of the mansion. But nothing, no one was there, no one showed up, no one came, nothing was delivered to us that we’d demanded and were prepared to pay for, yes shit all.

We had all but given up but then the cops in the Alps called us and were like, we logged into both their emails, and we think we know what happened:

Murders arrived at the cabin in the Alps at 4:43am on Saturday night/early Sunday. Brogan was deep asleep in the state known as R.E.M. sleep, dreaming, tossing and turning. Murders approached the cabin but probably had no intention of bring back Brogan alive. He set the tinderbox wood cabin ablaze and watched it burn but began to cry the fat tears that had been stored inside his human meat heart for so very many years. He wept uncontrollably, began to approach the cabin. Weeping like this and hobbling. Murders entered the flames and felt the heat on his skin and began to smell his own skin burning but it calmed him as he knew his physical body was perishing but his spirit was merging with his childhood friend in Shangri-La, the natural woods, and the inferno at 5:03am. At 6:27am Alpine village police arrived on the scene and declared both men perished and the cabin an eyesore set for demolition unless anyone wants to buy it?!

Gall was home when the cops called us to explain what had happened and inform us that we had nothing to worry about and were basically above the law, as we knew as our dad had taught us that and we’ve always felt super blessed about it.

But we also felt bad. And Gall suggested we contact a healer and arrange a seance. My sister Ghost knew a healer named Tono Blew Co so we called her at 647 989 2891. She was like “yes I’m available and perfectly willing & happy to come over to your mansion & conduct what I call the Magical Gathering with you and your family. My fee is $150 for the first hour and $95 for each additional hour (or any portion of an hour). I have to charge you, it actually takes a lot out of me. But yeah I can be there today at 4:15pm, after I drop off my brother at his training.”

When Blew Co arrived Ghost was like “what training?” and Tono went on and on about some bullshit about his training.

So we first tried to contact Brogan and see what that he might try to spread in the form of lies about daddy. But all we got was “Rose family, greetings, I’m actually doing great here in the afterlife, finally at peace, I am with your daddy and he wants to talk to you through me, through Tono, to each of you privately, he has so much he wants to say, so if there’s anything each of you wanted to say to him before he died but never got the chance to, now is your opportunity, he has hours to devote to connecting with each of you.” And we were all like “no thanks creep, yikes! jesus christ, don’t you get it?!!?!?!?” Except Erekt who started to sob, cry, whine about this and bla bla that and we were all like “Enough!!!!! PLEASE stop!! STOP Erekt, seriously, shut the fuck up, no one cares about you, fuck right off and get out of here!!!!!” He left the room finally. He was sobbing like a baby.

So then we spun the dial and got to Grizzly Murders, thank god. none of us knew him that well but we were like “yeah, let’s do this, we got this. Grizzly? You around? You on there?? HELLO? Grizz? Mr. Murders?” Then Tono started to shake a whole lot and shake and shake and yell and was crying and we were frightened but also like “this is so real.”

And in a deep low voice not her own, not normal Tono began:

“Hello *burp* y’all.

Grizzly Murderz here transmitted mentally after death from the mind heart of an orca majestic killer whale in the north sea. 

I’m here to tell you that my death wasn’t an internet baited fish battle as a rumored bout about cold frozen bloody orca bites in the sea.

But when I died the tears silently dripped in torrents from my eyes as the earthly blaze of Brain’s cabin destroyed by me infernally, eternally forever burning now and my silent jealous rage justicely was exhausted, fueling the gasoline pissed flames — so now I talk only mentally.

No longer physically. This swimming mammalian brain does not seize but only flows. And Grizzly Murder’s murderous soul only flows deep, so deep, put her butt to sleep in the cold sea floes. Floes deep now dead.

And will forever resonate transmittedly to such a head.”

We were shocked cause we kind of suspected all of this, in detail, as my sister, Ghost Rose, had been watching reports on Alaska Now news about recent rare killer whale sightings in the North Sea and had found out that recently an orca had started to swim quite erratically in the North Sea, right past all guards, into through the gates, right inside to the cove where no whale ever goes, and there the creature had risen to the top of the ice flow mixed with waves, through his blow hole shouted “I was half of the man known as Grizzly Murders before this moment – and… I, he… perished. ooooooggggoooo (whale sound)…..in the flames in the Alps and my other half was flung into the body/mind of federal Judge Tennessee Johannson of Pow’s Hole, How Tow at the same exact minute of the same day: 5:03am.

And so we googled the judge and were very interested to find that, in night court, at 5:03am that very same day, Johannson had been at the bench, hurled his gavel into the air, into the audience, during the sentencing of a young man for 18 to life, flung off his court robes, left court to become a talent manager & 2 gobble up talent under the same name, his actual name, but in a particular and brand new outfit and look.

Yes it’s tragic, but yes, it’s also fantastic, come on, agree with me about this. So yeah, it’s a day in the life of being a Rose, and yes it’s sad that 2 men are dead but today we emailed to Johannson and were like “we’d like to sit down with you and possibly make a deal, can we meet soon? can you call me?” and he wrote back “Not a problem.” And we also paid for and dispatched a team to the North Sea to tag that killer whale but no word yet from the team, pretty sure we got this though. Much of our money comes from stock dividends. It’s just a whale swimming in the ocean, I know, yes the frigid ice sea, do you recognize that? and yes, I agree, a place we can’t begin to fathom, upon our same earth, but also we’re open to discussing possibilities with a whale. We’re open to its logic, confident that in the killer whale’s meat heart are fat tears like our own human ones and their flow is what made the ocean in the first place mate.

Goodnight forever Brogan + Murders. Death in shack was right for you, we can only hope you’re enjoying the Elysian Fields and Shangri-la doing problems + experiments on clouds/thrones and other ghost souls cause that’s all that’s up there honestly. Or maybe you made a cabin out of the clouds and put it in the cloud forest so to that we’re like “K, yikes.” Enjoy death doctors, it’s specifically coming for you all.

#SIGNEDBLOBBY

It’s a Boon, the cat is named Boon, The teller is named Boon and I wanted to go to Boon NC

I have a ticket, I bought it 14 years ago and I still have it. The thing is they forgot to put the date on it so it’s good for any date I want to use it. 

And that date was yesterday BUT. I took it to the station and I was like LOOOOOOOOOKKKK I want to use this NOOOOOOW. I want to get the fuck out of this fucking place and go THERE -> … right there, yes that place on the map where I am touching hard with my finger. I will touch, I will touch. I am pointing to a place on a map in your office and it’s where I wish to take the train and LISTEN TO ME I want to go on it now, the train, and leave now, HELP ME!!!! 

It was a disaster I admit, embarrassing and sad. I’m in mourning. I pissed off the person who chooses and the one who comes. I pissed off all the people in the place who wanted to go. I pissed off everyone that was sitting down and standing by the drink machine cause they were plunking quarters into it to get their cokes and their jolts.

There is a wild cat outside the house now, I went NOWHERE. It’s chomping at the bit. Shit wants so bad to come in to the warm place and be on the lap of a man. It’s pathetic. It’s kitty cat weak. 

The heat is off again. I think? It does that cause I don’t understand which way to turn the dial. It’s pathetic and foolish.

And I’m like listen cat you gross mouse eating ammonia, thats her name, you CANNOT come inside tonight. I won’t let you. 

Blobby isn’t tame, Blobby is feeling tonight so what I did was this. I pulled the cat in and I let it live in the house and I called the teller at the station and was like LISTEN I fucked up and freaked out at you. You did not deserve to be yelled at in this way. You did not know about the powerful ticket, it was limitless. You were not aware so listen, come to dinner at my mansion and me and my 2 brothers and 4 sisters will make sure you have something you like and when you want to leave we won’t let you leave, we will block you from leaving. 

We won’t let you because of one reason alone. A reason alone is this:
YOU ARE GONNA HAVE THIS.
YOU ARE GONNA TAKE.
YOU ARE GONNA BE THE LAP IN THIS PLACE.  

HERE 2 stay

#SIGNEDBLOBBY

Your Meal Has Been Prepared and It’s Time 2 Dine!

“I can’t be near you, the light just radiates.”

When you perish, the moment all goes dark blank, and blood covered angels float in to sing sweet lullaby in your deaf ears as blood gushes out of your eyes slo mo and mouth dries up and your heart pounds then explodes a lil and everyone standing in the room, that cared for you, liked you a little, realizes you’re disappearing and they’re not but that they’ll continue in the conscious material world but you’ll not be there, that’s the moment this article is about!!

It’s insane, no wild, just absurd I suppose, to imagine that the angels will sing anything other than the song Malibu, NO NOT THAT ONE! hahahaha, alright alright, FOR YOU I’ll paste both and you can compare on a as needed basis.

This author for one plans to be there for that glorious moment and to never leave!! You glorious and nasty important waste of space!

BRIAN

Look, listen, and start your engines! It’s time to get moving and get on with it!!

So we’ve been getting a lot of emails and texts, a lot of comments on our Facebook page. All these comments and questions are about one thing. 

Everyone wonders, who does FFF endorse for presidency of the United States? 

Well the time has come to announce something we’ve been sitting on under our hats! 

My brother Noah Rose is a philanthropist, a surgeon, a modern day great thinker and professor. He knows how to get kids together to populate a new territory. He leads rats to their own death to clean up the village. And he is running hard for the president this year. Noah Doe Rose. Safe sons and kids rising and dead rats writhing til the hospital beds. 

Vote Rose don’t stop believing with or without a Visa card of a kind cause you’ll have golden moments if you believe!

Thanks for supporting us! 

Brian Rose 

 

Oh A given and the horror

It’s a given, people rush into the woods out of fear. To some it’s called FEAR, for others it’s know as desperate and get out, in certain parts of the world people can’t even discuss the subject. 

Well we did it for you. We got in deep. Scoops don’t just expose themselves. We have to expose the scoops. It’s not easy. It’s what old newspaper men do and we’ve done. 

It’s was gross, it was scary, it was dangerous too. Come on people respect us and our digital trade. We went fishing, when I say fishing I mean we were just watching the gulls feed, out on the rough ass waves. 

Fresh fish for sale now everyone! Contact us for a sample of the gulls and their catch which we ripped from their talons and kept for ourselves. It wasn’t stealing! 

  

A Scandal Comes Close to Home

2 men were found guilty of… not hearing the call! duh
There isn’t really enough time in the day to report on this.
Come on though, you need to FORGET about all that SCANDAL, don’t seek out the details.
Just listen to this sensual tune and watch the video!!!!!!!!

Do you want to have some? How about some…

…MORE!!!!!!!!!!!?

Well most people feel that way, just like you do.
Most people feel so deeply the desire that they can barely contain what they feel, they spread it out all day long and sit and speak with tongue blood in the back of their throats, but words do come through.

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And neither the fuck can you… we mean, you can’t contain your excitement and lustful feeling of NEED. We’ve been watching the numbers. And we have our fingers on the pulses. Your NEED is nasty and natural and you go on and on needing until the last thing you say. It’s about right, no wait……..

….

…..

it’s PERFECT!!!!!

Need on, remain in these states, its all we can guarantee, this NEW magazine, to be in store for you, for all your time. It’s out of a respect & actual real love for our readers that we even come to say this stuff.

So in the end, it’s crystal clear as can be… we all need to take a moment and concentrate as one hive mind, on a unified vision of one single dream.

 

It’s a Happy Brand New Year!!! But YOU, How ready are you for your demise & your then Death? How is this day gonna have gone really, when you lay your head down some place to sleep tonight?

Trust us, You are not at all ready! A new study from the Minnesota School says: you’re almost certainly still holding on with a grasp and hoping hard for the deepest turn of the screw, you’re feeling pretty positive and still hopeful these days, and this study concludes: we’ve noticed!!

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But the questions do remain: What do you have planned really? What is today looking like now, or better yet… what is the WHOLE LIFE gonna be (realistically), how have you been living (last few years)? What are your 7 habits? Where have you been even sleeping fucker and what do you even dream about during that time, or are you even dreaming??!?? Or are you having only nightmares?!!!?!

Are your nightmares about a disgusting face or an erotic event in which YOU take part? Gross. Are they now about being held tight or holding someone loosely? About loss, feeling so very lost, or is it TOO MUCH GAIN this time? Stop dreaming NOW, wake up though, cause listen we all know there is absolutely a crisis on our hands, yeah you know we’re living a life sized NIGHTMARE, right??!!

Have you ever noticed stuff about average guys though? Average fuck faces? Have you ever wanted MORE than boring ass stuff you saw? Have you ever even taken a moment to check on something? Like really check it???Go ahead, check on it now, NOW!

Contact us and tell us what you found when you checked!!

 

Amazing new music from some important baron and bachelor

Haha, lol. We can’t believe the crap people pass off these days and EXPEcT us to desire!?!

oh come on. Yes we know aboup eros. Every person on the planet has an opinion on what to do with the body, hilariously they have all come close to the conclusion that the touching thing and the climatic moment is the ultimate in good time feel better.

We at fffmagazine hold a candle tight to it and hope these PRO musicians will mend ways a start taking seriously the plight and pay up, reach out.

Come on smolalaa

whose song is that.

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