Category: Romance

Dear Wayne,
I’m afraid I’m losing my mind. Every time I have a break at work, or use the bathroom, or have to wait in line at the coffee shop I end up retreating back to my phone and looking at apps like Instagram to occupy my time. This hasn’t been anything other than a way to escape my immediate mundane circumstances, until lately. I know it’s creepy, but as I scroll through photos of everyone I follow, I eventually select the “info” button then the “search instagram” option then the “names and usernames” option and then I type in the name of my ex’s new girlfriend. I look at all of her photos and look at the pictures that he likes and the things that she does. I also scroll through his photos and look at the ones that she likes and read all of their comments to each other. I understand that it’s unhealthy for me to focus so much on their new relationship, that’s not why I feel crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy because I can’t get him to “like” any of my pictures, even if I take photos of the exact same thing that she does! What am I doing wrong? How can I get him to “like” me again?
Sincerely,
Desperately Needing to be “Liked”

Dear DNTBL-

Indeed- Romance does work in quizzical and curious ways. But let’s start first by changing your name from DNTBL (Desperately Needing to be “Liked”) to DIAGE-IABTHWTHSI (Damnit I AM Good Enough)-(I Am Better than Her Whoever The Hell She Is).

While your relationship may have careened off the highway, there are many ways to fill up your tank, push the gas and steer that clunker back on the road again, toward the beautiful sun stroked beach called love/romance. I’ve taken my ques from the birds and if you follow my steps below to getting him back, he will not only like you but he will actually fall back in love with you. DIAGE-you can have it all and here’s how…

1. Displays – exuberant plumage- advertise your stunning qualities with lots of colors that will razzle dazzle the eye and remember posture does help. He needs to see you looking your best, flaunt it. I’ll spell it out -accentuate the T and the A.
2. Singing – Keep song in your life- remember she’s your lifelong companion- and let that special someone know that you have that voice – the sweet sounds of melody mixed with harmony. you will quickly find your solo becoming a duet.
3. Dancing – Dancing can be seductive so show him your moves- not so much of a booty shakin’ full frontal assault, but a more subtle approach.
4. Preening – OK- This is tough one. You got to get to him- Let him know that when he enters your spatial sphere that it is safe and inviting. You don’t need to take care of him but let him know that you’re here for him. Remember romance is not Tora Bora but Bora Bora.
5. Feeding – I think this one is the ultimate seducter- Dinners is just as important as breakfast- spices and herbs are the elixir here. Men typically like to have food close at hand and the better the food, the closer he’ll be.
6. Building – This one may seem like it lacks the punch for the effort you may put in- but it’s a powerful way to grab his attention. To get you started I’ll provide a list of essentials – scented candles, fully stocked kitchen (see item 5), utensils that work, clean sheets, decent pillows, and of course cable TV. You get the gist- Think of it as your love bunker – it’s just you and him baby.. Make that date night where you stay in worth it.

If you stop checking for updates on that phone of yours and concentrate on building the most amazing you, his hat will be in his hand. Don’t forget- this is not a romantic comedy, this is your life.

In an effort to reach out to the powers that be and feeling wrong in the face of Lone Bone, Mane Coon and Man Approaches have made an infinite pact and had to give up a little control over the beast and have lost the grip on all that is and are now whining in the face of and waiting out the storm and wanting ultimate in glory soldiers whole .