Press "Enter" to skip to content

FFF Magazine

It’s difficult to Imagine a different way but it’s still possible in a way: Proud to announce Bebe Rexha’s new FFF theme! xoxo

We’ve all seen it rain and pelt thick violentish drops so that we’re feeling forced to then run somewhere new, seeking for some cover. Once we’ve found some soft covers, crawled inside to be warm feeling and dry out, safe and sound, protected from the sickening screaming acid AKA ice tears stabbing from above, carrying disease, fleeing from clouds up there and sky, down upon the ground, gathering there to the point where we think we could be almost drowning, sometime soon.

It’s then that we realize how much wawa has collected on the ground below our feet. We’re feeling our socks getting soggy now and the wetness, we know what’s happening because it’s happened before. We know the sun’s going to set and so we’re planning nothing but to lay on the roof of the car, try to keep warm with no cover, as the new river picks up the car and transports our large human body rushing to the place where other cars have been placed: the car depot.

The disgusting depot, it is worth discussing and as much as you resent them you’re going to participate, as you have no choice. No one is concerned with your interests or opinions on this particular subject, yet you’ve yes been assigned the job of teaching and leading a large number of students in prayer and consideration of the facts and future ways of being, a responsibility you will take seriously as charged.

No one is going to breathe on you tonight. You don’t need to pack a towel and have no need for a solitary raft in this particular situation because, as you feel and have always felt my child, you’re the one of two chosen to get on Noah’s shitty ship that he made from pure mahogany, to be launched on this very day.

There is a comfortable bed for you to lay and sleep in, if you so choose, there is glamours food and many drinks in the larder, there’s a perfect zoo, an exhaustive collection, unimaginable in size, there’s all the creatures you wanted to see someday, those you were afraid to see, hate to see, those you see often also, kill, and eat their flesh regularly.

You’re now on the ship of your dreams, how will you spend your days? Will you hunt on here? Seems sad and risky, seems selfish and crass, seems like something only a fuckface IMO would do during these dark days of journey.

You might make love to your human companion, you might try at least, you might wish to or consider it.

You may just walk the plank or walk the deck, you might hide in an interior corner and fear the loose tiger and true jaguar, the enemy snake and the rammed in whale, a stuffed in and flailing dolphin, or the wolf sleeping peacefully curled up against a thick doe, everyone just sleeping.

Months later you woke up, shaking body, pounding, wanting, hoping for deeply for land and the dirt. In the darkness aboard you wander onto the deck, warm slow wind, the most stars above, moonlit you realize you’re at the dock of paradise now. You can step off onto a ramp that leads easy and free onto perfect hard land where fertile, rolling hills as far as you can see in the half dark night lay out in front of you.

No connection was made with your human counterpart on the journey though and you go your separate ways and follow the jaguar as you have a new purpose in life among the creatures of the jungle. Say goodbye until death comes.

All I can say is: CONGRATULATIONS!!! and thank you for telling them “I want not to know you any longer, fade away weak human being, let our species disappear now, but instead I choose to live with these soft looking animals, I have yet to touch as I fear them, but look at their beauty and banging bodies and their massive claws and hooks, watch how they feast, try to look into their eyes, now try to calm them down in your mind, try to connect with them, in their minds, but do not scare them, try not to be afraid for yourself also, they have no interest in harming you as far as they know and now we are the only humans left but soon there will be only ghosts.”

Thank you Bebe and G-Eazy, you rule!! This track will be our new theme song until October 1st when we announce our new theme song!! Until then, slam this track and always remember FFF stands for Flights in the Frozen dark Felt Forever FINALLY 🙂 !!!

JONI: “Bad Boys Come On: A Trial Called For, VERDICT DELIVERED IN THE CASE”

It’s okay! It’s coming on Christmas, your place at the top is waiting for you, and guess what, we’re keeping the seat warmer on and wrote your name on the seat so the leather will feel warm against your pants.

None other than you, yourself, yes and you. We’re all here now, waiting baited in the court room. So… we’re asking this question: what have you prepared for court? What are your oral arguments truthfully, we want to know in all honesty.

What then, exactly, do you have proof of? What has happened over and over, observed, documented, and then created & left artifacts behind to peruse and investigate?

Do you have ignorance of the law, did you star in the passion play, a moment of passionate embrace, a crime of passion, a sensual moment of passion? Are you now bending under the burden of proof, about to snap in two, afraid that even if you mount the complex case, bear witness, give the court all everything you’ve got, give it your best shot, that it won’t be enough to overturn a conviction? That you’ll still be on pause, on hold, held, locked up, unsure, laking conviction?

Well as the last television producer to live and the beloved drama critic, final call back, wrote the words everyone knows now, when first your play was performed – “don’t worry, you are invisible always and forever to me” – take this note to heart, to bed, dream of this note and wake up singing this tune. Yes a verdict was delivered but listen, the sentence won’t be carried out, you’ll continue to be free.

You’re in no danger in the least, rest assured you’ve followed the rules and we’ve noticed and for that, you receive the utmost reward instead of a harsh sentence.

Come claim your reward, it’s time. No one deserves an award like this more than you.



Two longhairs wild men living on the fringes perish in murder/suicide woods fire of the alps: famous poet Grizzly Murders and celebrated scientist Brains Brogan, both with banging bodies

Last night, wee hours, classic hi end smoke billowed into the apple crisp air over the Alps. On the outskirts of a lil village time forgot, in the wet thicket, past the old mill, deep into the tree pile/fur leaf darkness alone, a cabin was high burning, valuable old wood cabin caught fire.

It was the cute cabin of acclaimed/renowned scientist and theologian, Dr. Brains Brogan. Everybody of the Alps knew he lived there alone like a freak in the woods. Everyone over there was aware of his presence, but in the woods away, everyone was skeptical, sometimes fearful, but yeah glad he did not show his face in the village & was never seen in town. He was an American scientist but had moved to the Alps in 2002 after disappearing from the USA.

Brogan’s charred banging body was found in the cabin and also, sadly, the body of one other.

Alpine authorities now say they know exactly what has happened and held a press conference early this mourning in Switzerland, the Alps (8am). Detective Stan Glass looked into the high end TV camera + told everyone watching: “It is a tragedy, yes, that any man would die, but in this case is is particularly sad/tragic that Brogan held the only cure in his addled mind. We will now not know & never will. We checked the police email last last night and what we believe happened is well known poet & theologian, Grizzly Murders of Waltham, Hono was sent to the Alpine cabin to assassinate aka murder or at least gather Brogan for a couple of reasons: On Dec 11, 2018 the Rose Family Council of Control requested Murders locate the cabin in the Alps -after catching wind that Brogan was still alive and considering releasing a book of theorems to honor the death of his closest from-school friend, Rose family father and FFF Magazine’s previous owner & head writer, Dr. Brian Rose.”

So yeah, that much is true, Rose family wanted to get our hot little hands on the manuscript and grip it tight to shreds. We had heard that Murders’d become a P.I. in recent years so we discussed and ultimately concluded, “Let’s contact him.” And we emailed [email protected] and were like:

“Hey Grizzly, It’s Blobby, So yeah, I guess you heard about my dad, I know you guys were close as kids… on another note though, I wanted to see if I/we could hire you to find an old enemy of the Rose family, someone we hate with a hard passion, I think you knew him at school, Brains W Brogan?? FUCK HIM but whatever. We caught wind he may be in the Alps living in a cabin like a freak/tool. We can offer you $250 to get him bring him and any manuscripts you may find on the property to us, in Glastonbury. We can PayPal you, does this address work? Anyway let me know.”

Murders replied within seconds saying “Not a problem.” Wow that was fast, so we figured within days we would see these men and the manuscripts on the front door of the mansion. But nothing, no one was there, no one showed up, no one came, nothing was delivered to us that we’d demanded and were prepared to pay for, yes shit all.

We had all but given up but then the cops in the Alps called us and were like, we logged into both their emails, and we think we know what happened:

Murders arrived at the cabin in the Alps at 4:43am on Saturday night/early Sunday. Brogan was deep asleep in the state known as R.E.M. sleep, dreaming, tossing and turning. Murders approached the cabin but probably had no intention of bring back Brogan alive. He set the tinderbox wood cabin ablaze and watched it burn but began to cry the fat tears that had been stored inside his human meat heart for so very many years. He wept uncontrollably, began to approach the cabin. Weeping like this and hobbling. Murders entered the flames and felt the heat on his skin and began to smell his own skin burning but it calmed him as he knew his physical body was perishing but his spirit was merging with his childhood friend in Shangri-La, the natural woods, and the inferno at 5:03am. At 6:27am Alpine village police arrived on the scene and declared both men perished and the cabin an eyesore set for demolition unless anyone wants to buy it?!

Gall was home when the cops called us to explain what had happened and inform us that we had nothing to worry about and were basically above the law, as we knew as our dad had taught us that and we’ve always felt super blessed about it.

But we also felt bad. And Gall suggested we contact a healer and arrange a seance. My sister Ghost knew a healer named Tono Blew Co so we called her at 647 989 2891. She was like “yes I’m available and perfectly willing & happy to come over to your mansion & conduct what I call the Magical Gathering with you and your family. My fee is $150 for the first hour and $95 for each additional hour (or any portion of an hour). I have to charge you, it actually takes a lot out of me. But yeah I can be there today at 4:15pm, after I drop off my brother at his training.”

When Blew Co arrived Ghost was like “what training?” and Tono went on and on about some bullshit about his training.

So we first tried to contact Brogan and see what that he might try to spread in the form of lies about daddy. But all we got was “Rose family, greetings, I’m actually doing great here in the afterlife, finally at peace, I am with your daddy and he wants to talk to you through me, through Tono, to each of you privately, he has so much he wants to say, so if there’s anything each of you wanted to say to him before he died but never got the chance to, now is your opportunity, he has hours to devote to connecting with each of you.” And we were all like “no thanks creep, yikes! jesus christ, don’t you get it?!!?!?!?” Except Erekt who started to sob, cry, whine about this and bla bla that and we were all like “Enough!!!!! PLEASE stop!! STOP Erekt, seriously, shut the fuck up, no one cares about you, fuck right off and get out of here!!!!!” He left the room finally. He was sobbing like a baby.

So then we spun the dial and got to Grizzly Murders, thank god. none of us knew him that well but we were like “yeah, let’s do this, we got this. Grizzly? You around? You on there?? HELLO? Grizz? Mr. Murders?” Then Tono started to shake a whole lot and shake and shake and yell and was crying and we were frightened but also like “this is so real.”

And in a deep low voice not her own, not normal Tono began:

“Hello *burp* y’all.

Grizzly Murderz here transmitted mentally after death from the mind heart of an orca majestic killer whale in the north sea. 

I’m here to tell you that my death wasn’t an internet baited fish battle as a rumored bout about cold frozen bloody orca bites in the sea.

But when I died the tears silently dripped in torrents from my eyes as the earthly blaze of Brain’s cabin destroyed by me infernally, eternally forever burning now and my silent jealous rage justicely was exhausted, fueling the gasoline pissed flames — so now I talk only mentally.

No longer physically. This swimming mammalian brain does not seize but only flows. And Grizzly Murder’s murderous soul only flows deep, so deep, put her butt to sleep in the cold sea floes. Floes deep now dead.

And will forever resonate transmittedly to such a head.”

We were shocked cause we kind of suspected all of this, in detail, as my sister, Ghost Rose, had been watching reports on Alaska Now news about recent rare killer whale sightings in the North Sea and had found out that recently an orca had started to swim quite erratically in the North Sea, right past all guards, into through the gates, right inside to the cove where no whale ever goes, and there the creature had risen to the top of the ice flow mixed with waves, through his blow hole shouted “I was half of the man known as Grizzly Murders before this moment – and… I, he… perished. ooooooggggoooo (whale sound)…..in the flames in the Alps and my other half was flung into the body/mind of federal Judge Tennessee Johannson of Pow’s Hole, How Tow at the same exact minute of the same day: 5:03am.

And so we googled the judge and were very interested to find that, in night court, at 5:03am that very same day, Johannson had been at the bench, hurled his gavel into the air, into the audience, during the sentencing of a young man for 18 to life, flung off his court robes, left court to become a talent manager & 2 gobble up talent under the same name, his actual name, but in a particular and brand new outfit and look.

Yes it’s tragic, but yes, it’s also fantastic, come on, agree with me about this. So yeah, it’s a day in the life of being a Rose, and yes it’s sad that 2 men are dead but today we emailed to Johannson and were like “we’d like to sit down with you and possibly make a deal, can we meet soon? can you call me?” and he wrote back “Not a problem.” And we also paid for and dispatched a team to the North Sea to tag that killer whale but no word yet from the team, pretty sure we got this though. Much of our money comes from stock dividends. It’s just a whale swimming in the ocean, I know, yes the frigid ice sea, do you recognize that? and yes, I agree, a place we can’t begin to fathom, upon our same earth, but also we’re open to discussing possibilities with a whale. We’re open to its logic, confident that in the killer whale’s meat heart are fat tears like our own human ones and their flow is what made the ocean in the first place mate.

Goodnight forever Brogan + Murders. Death in shack was right for you, we can only hope you’re enjoying the Elysian Fields and Shangri-la doing problems + experiments on clouds/thrones and other ghost souls cause that’s all that’s up there honestly. Or maybe you made a cabin out of the clouds and put it in the cloud forest so to that we’re like “K, yikes.” Enjoy death doctors, it’s specifically coming for you all.

#SIGNEDBLOBBY

Field Report from Dring Lane: Eye of a Hurricane

I’m struck by the light this morning. Very clear very still very much in the now. It is quite striking but not like lightning which I’ve never been hit by. Thank you for asking.

I was asked by Brian Rose’s questionable son, Blobby Roses, to become a field reporter for FFF Magazine. Something to do with his father’s will and last dying wish and like the last thing he said, my name. Thank YOU for asking. I said “Branum, for you, and all your friends, and all our friends, and everyone we’ve ever known, and everyone that’s ever looked in the eye of a hurricane and all those kids down by the marina and everyone that’s ever asked, of course I fucking will, thank you for asking.”

So it is on an apple crisp and clear Brooklyn morning, the sun is rising in the east in Wallabout Bay, I think, that I log my first field report with you, dear reader. Let me, in the words of a man much wiser than I, just say, “now, for the first time ever, everything its possible again.”

Pound Puppy Round Up

You dogs all aboard. There’s a new dog catcher in town and they are deeply focused on capturing, training, putting down when necessary, picking up after, putting down, watching 2 suffer. Rebuilding from exploded concrete in order to basic need. Sustaining, learning from mistakes, doing his best, advancing in the eyes of superiors at his job.

Alexander Ropul Do is the catchers name and let me tell you my first impressions: they keep me up late at night, make me feel anxious & kind of miserable in the daytime, early morning just worried about the little guys by the tracks and docks.


Do is a rotten tyrant, a threat, a cocky gentleman, spends his time off at his home in Glastonbury, Tone – building cages out of precious mahogany, wrapping twigs with piano wire & ribbons, into too tight bundles, so he can start impressive hot romance fires anytime someone says: let’s have a fire!? Okay, not a problem.

Be aware tho, be a very ware of your surroundings puppies!!!! If you cherish a PP they are gonna get taken from you and placed in a house-made cage!

Love it now soft puppy, live it til you perish pound! POUND PUPPIES <3 <3 <3 There’s only one brand, and it’s POUND.

#SIGNEDBLOBBY

It’s a Boon, the cat is named Boon, The teller is named Boon and I wanted to go to Boon NC

I have a ticket, I bought it 14 years ago and I still have it. The thing is they forgot to put the date on it so it’s good for any date I want to use it. 

And that date was yesterday BUT. I took it to the station and I was like LOOOOOOOOOKKKK I want to use this NOOOOOOW. I want to get the fuck out of this fucking place and go THERE -> … right there, yes that place on the map where I am touching hard with my finger. I will touch, I will touch. I am pointing to a place on a map in your office and it’s where I wish to take the train and LISTEN TO ME I want to go on it now, the train, and leave now, HELP ME!!!! 

It was a disaster I admit, embarrassing and sad. I’m in mourning. I pissed off the person who chooses and the one who comes. I pissed off all the people in the place who wanted to go. I pissed off everyone that was sitting down and standing by the drink machine cause they were plunking quarters into it to get their cokes and their jolts.

There is a wild cat outside the house now, I went NOWHERE. It’s chomping at the bit. Shit wants so bad to come in to the warm place and be on the lap of a man. It’s pathetic. It’s kitty cat weak. 

The heat is off again. I think? It does that cause I don’t understand which way to turn the dial. It’s pathetic and foolish.

And I’m like listen cat you gross mouse eating ammonia, thats her name, you CANNOT come inside tonight. I won’t let you. 

Blobby isn’t tame, Blobby is feeling tonight so what I did was this. I pulled the cat in and I let it live in the house and I called the teller at the station and was like LISTEN I fucked up and freaked out at you. You did not deserve to be yelled at in this way. You did not know about the powerful ticket, it was limitless. You were not aware so listen, come to dinner at my mansion and me and my 2 brothers and 4 sisters will make sure you have something you like and when you want to leave we won’t let you leave, we will block you from leaving. 

We won’t let you because of one reason alone. A reason alone is this:
YOU ARE GONNA HAVE THIS.
YOU ARE GONNA TAKE.
YOU ARE GONNA BE THE LAP IN THIS PLACE.  

Trash

Since things are changing at the magazine, so much change, so fast. New initiatives every day around here. 

In honor of the changing times and the newness, we’re introducing a new section in FFF hot mag. 

“TRASH”

It’s a section about testing the limits and wanting more. It’s about getting exactly what you asked for then balling it up and setting it aflame. It’s about the lighter in your hand and the one in your pocket, so thick, so full of butane, toxic to drink but perfect for lighting for that one thing. 

In 2018 Trash has a lot of meaning to most of us. It’s sparse with FX. It’s a blast to consume. Excellent and timely, actual plastic, actual now, actual TRASH!!!

OH, duh, #SIGNEDBLOBBY 🙂

HERE 2 stay

#SIGNEDBLOBBY

The Moon is showing bright and our boss is dead so yeah

So yeah, it’s not easy to go on after a DOCTOR like B Rose has perished in such a disgusting way, but really it feels like we have a new lease on life now, yeah there are 7 kids in our family and we wish to be heard by the masses.

We wish for attention and for everyone to hear us and see what we have. We are waiting for someone to actually listen to us and we’re sitting around together all the time like wishing people would just you know, get us.

But they don’t but we have this magazine and the doctor is not in now. The doctor is now dead and we are dealing how we can. #solidly #withstealth

Don’t let go. Dr. Rose didn’t and look at everything he became.

We miss you papa, daddy, doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur, old newspaper man.
You are in our hearts tho. And I think we are prolly in yours.

<3

#SIGNEDBLOBBY

Brian Rose, FFF founder, important business entrepreneur and controversial gentleman, has died at the age of the big 4-0.

It is with great sadness and woe that FFF Magazine 🙂 announces today, the death of our most glorious magnanimous CEO leader, Brian Dashel Allen Rose, son of D.A. Rose, assistant district attorney P.I.

Brian perished fully brutally and died Tuesday, December 4, 2018 at his home in Glastonbury, of a massive explosion and lust.

Rose rose to power in the early 2000s as an early investor and dedicated family guy.

In the last year he’s been in the limelight also famous uncontrollably uncomfortably facing his worst fears and nightmares as Char Ming, his beautiful pet well fed soft horse with a big ol horse butt, and honestly the horse love of his human being life, died in his arms on the outskirts of town earlier A not OK corral.

Rose grew up in Connecticut, the son of Assistant Attorney General D. A. Rose (born Dire Rose) and pilot mind bender Jessica Sodo Flewno.

Brian graduated from Harvard in 2006 at the top of his class, having studied investment law.

He became a billionaire at the age of  21 when he discovered a rare and quite flexible stone known as Lartz Miraz, used as the principal material in the construction of many of the bridges and tunnels used in our time today, ones you have been on at least once prolly.

Rose was the first CEO in the whole world to receive the medal of joy as part of the president Obama’s program “Endless Boundless Brigadiers “.

Rose’s last will is clear and it’s meaning cannot be misunderstood: “FFF Magazine is to become the most important magazine of all time and to cause such disruption in human history as to be so kick ass and fantastic, that no one won’t notice and that’s so important. My sons Blobby, Whip, and Erekt and my daughters Sloan, Mell, Gall, and Ghost will take over all my properties and killer business opportunities, of which FFF Magazine is my favorite and most profitable.”

We love you Brian, we love you so deeply it pains the FFF Magazine staff that you are now so very dead but also we take comfort in your words, wisdom, and hope you’re in a better far off place like heaven or hell forever enjoying glass and desserts with heated up frozen fruit, watching the tv shows you like and honestly Brian, like you often said “tada”!

You were a great little kid and child, a great teen, perfect 10, a great 20 something, a fantastic CEO and editor and owner, and a good dad and you loved Char Ming!!! It’s okay to go Brian cause honestly? We love you and always will!

XOXO <3
You son and best friend, Blobby Rose.

It’s Never Too Late

Until, theres actually no more time for you to fix, do, apologize, forgive!

You have brutally FUCKED up, massively I know. Most of your choices, all of them, have led you, you find yourself, to/in a spot you hate resent and but you can’t seem to help but to blame haha them, oh so many brutal nast forces and creatures of AKA wrong doing, because, like let’s face it OKAY lady or man, blaming yourself was, still is as ever was, exhausting and quite confusing.

But read what I say here because it’s important for you specifically, it’s relevant, it’s ready and dire, time and it’s here because there’s only one time a day when the things you ordered or that were prepared for you arrive at your basic doorstep (mail basically).

Go collect them now, rip into them, they’re what you get cause now, count your packages, there are many!

5 Things everyone should do cause: It’s a special day in your life, and we’re here too to celebrate with you! Celebrate with us though, let’s get very busy!

1. Let yourself go? LET YOURSELF go! Let it all go and be so that when you’re ready to truly fully dissolve in the woods there’s like no ghost hanging around wondering “Where or who exactly should I begin to haunt now that the mortal coil is decomposing over there, visible to my ghost dead eyes?!”

2. Write yourself a song. No really, Duh like no one’s watching, no one is!

3. Listen to your heart and…. invest in release. The stethoscope is picking up transmissions from your previous self and you’re heading to jail punk ass!

4. Lawyer up, seriously though, and delete that, they are going to make your life more difficult but you will be protected and you will have a family again in the form of paid advocates!!

5. Ask her, do it! Ask her what you wanted to ask!!!

It’s Not Everyday Except 2Day

TODAYS HOROSCOPE

Some people appear to have everything, you want that. Some people you see held on tight to the ship’s rail when the massive wave hit, desperately and for dear life.

It’s not for the lack of saying but it’s a wish list and seriously for this you pay dearly OR you may maxxx out its flowing through the tight gates, smack dab up onto and into your stash of hard gold.

Today is a day like that though, today’s a special day of our celebration in the worldwide community because face it we worship the mysterious hole. Today is the day we venture to the hole and seek relief, we will stare into the hole and throw into the hole, we’ll shout at the hole and imagine what creature, event, or process made the hole, and what made us every last one.

It’s an important day to celebrate, a joyful day, come on remember there’s a song with your name in it and today is one of the days you sing that and we’ll sing along with you at the very top of our lungs.

Listen and see the words written here, your infinite wisdom and smoking body are erotic and tangential, just think you’ve been cured of nearly everything under the sun as yet.

I get it, it’s difficult to see the rays of hot lightning streaming out of your own beating breast heart because the brightness is blinding, admit it, but come on gaze toward the light, let it burn on your vision, let it render you blind, your very own burning sensation.

Choose your weapon, choose your visage, an outfit too, choose wisely and ASAP. GO FORTH, forge on, live now, and forever -> as the dogs lay sleeping back in the hole, you roam on the plains and violently murder your dinner as is your way and then to dine with stars, periodic table elements, peaks and for dessert valleys and the infinite rivers of blood that flow deep underground. Now DIG, DIG!! Find the liquid gold way down underneath and bring it to the surface. Feed off of it and spread it around!!

My God, Bless You

The Jungle Book, the need for a lucky find, the rat’s next in your behind mind. The polar warning, the pose of fervor and in your race to the top of the passionate mountainous region, you slip up, and knock unconscious and fade away haha.

This is virtually impossible, this is the most infected aspect of the discussion, and WE ARE NOT having this discussion. Discussion over. I have heard all I need to hear from the likes of you and your rotten fridge full.

It’s grotesque, no… sassy. No no, not the word… it’s… offensive, in fact wrong, that you would consider, even for an instant, in the face of the very thing that has kept you at bay, kept you away from him, all this time, wow I feel bad for you, and YET, I feel nothing, not even in my time of need.

You were in the process of emptying and at that moment a line in the sand was drawn and blood was, from a bag of hot rotten blood, poured into the moat AKA line in the sand but because of the heat and DRYNESS of the sand… immediately dried and was just DNA in lil rocks AKA sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand, aka lil rocks, aka sand.

Haha grosssss!!

Listen FFF is pleased to announce this is the first new article for the new writer: Passionate M Brace. She is an important author and full of important and meaningful things to say. I, for one, am SUPER happy to have her on staff, infecting the magazine with her words and ideas and hopefully this infection is gonna spread!!!

KICK ASS WRITING

hehe looks like it’s already spreading 🙂
Looks like FFF caught something, a super virus known as high quality journalism, we fell ill, like we are going to throw up and expose something horrifying, a gross injustice, a sick fuck, a sick move, a dick move, a sickly and near death creature that has lived in a cage its entire life. You call yourself a hero just before bed and your heoric nature is well documented but in the next issue of FFF, we will expose the results of the investigation and be warned, it is not a good feeling when the whole world is watching and you are not confident in your looks.

Your looks give you pause and you are horrified by your ugliness MEANWHILE no one even cares about you so it’s all good hahahahaha. GO TO THE DOCTOR FFF, get a cure for the sugar fantasy, its’ like, fantastic, aka chicken breast meat!

BI LINE
Brian AKA Rose

GUEST writers!! Everyone listen, we’ve got extra writers in the office FOR ONE NIGHT!

5 puddings, I thought it was one thing but it became another.

Ingredients:

One birthday, 3 friends around the hard table, rose water, cream of ice (one gallon), lots and lots of sugar (to taste).

It was a close call after we extinguished our dead red steaks, that we would even make it to Brian’s house for the after party. Jen only turns 35 once and that means for big celebrations. As tired as we were digesting our animals, we shlogged our booted feet throw the fluffy snow, me with socks, Jen with none. Half way there she pulled up the leg of her pants and showed me her bare ankle. She remarked “actually I didnt even pull up the leg of my pants, there are actually just short. Too short. But Im not cold….” . “Thank God, I said.”

Got to Brians and he closelined us with a beautiful twine sign which we read out loud ” Jay Eee Enn” !!!!! soon the pudding was everywhere and no one was asking questions. We sat down and Brian started to creep us out a little as he insisted we drop a little rose water in each bowl. We were suspicious and after adding couple scoops coffee ice cream and a teeny bit of decaf coffee fresh from the new exspresso machine, we wanted to stop adding to the pudding. It looked fine thanks. We tested it with tongues as innocent as the morning dew and hell did it ever come through!! But in the end, we were guests of Barron Brian Rose and so took a drop of rose water and stirred it deep into the pudding. What started out tasty, quickly became world famous not only in our minds but in our mouths, our hearts and human kind.

Byline: KARA KEITH

 

Your Meal Has Been Prepared and It’s Time 2 Dine!

“I can’t be near you, the light just radiates.”

When you perish, the moment all goes dark blank, and blood covered angels float in to sing sweet lullaby in your deaf ears as blood gushes out of your eyes slo mo and mouth dries up and your heart pounds then explodes a lil and everyone standing in the room, that cared for you, liked you a little, realizes you’re disappearing and they’re not but that they’ll continue in the conscious material world but you’ll not be there, that’s the moment this article is about!!

It’s insane, no wild, just absurd I suppose, to imagine that the angels will sing anything other than the song Malibu, NO NOT THAT ONE! hahahaha, alright alright, FOR YOU I’ll paste both and you can compare on a as needed basis.

This author for one plans to be there for that glorious moment and to never leave!! You glorious and nasty important waste of space!

BRIAN

Daniel Day Lewis, NA NA NA NA, You sir R becoming the star we were once waiting for, but please sir, GET OFF THE STAGE of film! Have you no feelings to draw inspiration from!?? This author salutes you

I am live tweeting this post as I type it. I am watching gang of new york on my phone and the other one is on the tv, my left foot. OH WAIT last of the mohicans??!??! COME ON?! Lewis, day lewis?

I see you as an actor of great stature and I need you to continue to play characters live on the film!
But his relationship with these two actresses is so interesting and their friendships are fantastic!

We celebrate each other, bind ourselves internal joinery, to one another, fused and welded and melted like in a pan, but also WHEN YOU ARE READY come get this opened invitation to your own death squad. What is your weapon of choice?

Brian Dashel Rose Mcgowan

You don’t say that UNLESS…. You are new here! WELCOME <3

It’s not everyday that a new person comes to your area, or to be honest it might everyday but you don’t most likely get a chance to meet them and remain in your circle of people you know. It’s not that sad it’s pretty true though.

When a new person enters your inner sanctum you are both happy and scared, sometime resentful. You are like “well I do like this person in some ways, they are attractive physically to me but I fear they are more likable and perhaps accomplished than me and it makes me scared for my own security and success”.

But the best thing you can do is try to love them in your mind forever, to imagine them as a baby and how innocent and helpless they were. They are still like that but with the scars and weakness and habits of age. Even if they are well spoken or well read they will appreciate your kindness in some secret ways, even if they act as if kindness is meaningless to them.

One possible problem is that your kindness with make you look weak and stupid (not smart) but in this reporters opinion this is a dated fear from the 90’s.

So love everyone but touch no one and kill a pig with a single sword swipe you sick hungry nasty readers.
We love you!

Oh wow nasty you are – TAPE

We are a fantastic magazine meant for these actual ages. We were the first to leak this freaky tape about haha lust and ewww haha. But seriously you sick fucks over at The Pornographic, you aren’t even alone right now!! nothing but “distain for” and “proud to announce”. Or maybe you are alone? Well you certainly are, in most all ways except the thumb sucking ones.

FFF Magazine was the first publication in a long line of hack publications to report about the use of the phrase “sorry not sorry”. And now it’s everywhere!! Seriously though, admit, you have heard that phrase!! It’s Sunday, not a good day to be reporting but this is big and it can’t wait.

We are just a group of old newspaper men. And THIS is our paper.

12466135-the-very-muscular-handsome-sexy-guy-on-sky-and-sea-background-stock-photo