A Garden, A Chariot

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAd0NPgUs9w

A million white flowers in a field in the sky
Seemed to spell out a greeting as the children flew by
A guard in a chariot of silver and gold
Gave the children all tickets, then the story he told
Of a time in the future that was sunshine and flowers
And the children grew sleepy in the sky’s white towers
They dreamed of the story that the guard had displayed
They saw all the wonders, tiny minds were amazed
They saw candy forests and dragons that breathed fire
On all that was evil in the misty mire

They came to the village where the turtles in caves
Made pies for the people and the lemonade
The people lived out by the sea and each day
The seagulls would wake them as they passed on their way
The people were kindly, they would sing to the sky
And each bright new morning, the sun shone from their eyes
The children passed over and all the people could see
As they dived from the sky to the treacle sea
They bathed on the white sand, minutes turned into hours
And the children all giggled and gave each other flowers

The King from his castle came down to the sea
And he spoke to the children so patiently
He gave them small presents and bid them farewell
And the children unwrapped them, tiny silver bells
Their tinkling floated across the island with ease
And it came back toward them on the perfume breeze
They smiled at the tinkling, they gazed at the sun
And they smiled at each other, pretty little ones
A beautiful white horse came down to the sea
And the children all climbed up as he knelt on one knee

They rode through the valleys and high over hills
And they laughed oh so loudly, their fear to kill
They came to a lakeside of deep velvet and green
And they all stared in wonder at its beauty serene
They climbed from the white horse, they watch as it goes
As they stood by the green lake for to kiss their toes
A boat in the distance was suddenly there
Waiting to take the children to anywhere
The porcupine captain said that he didn’t mind
In his coat of black needles, he looked very kind

His crew were six rabbits with fluffy white ears
And the children all stroked them and lost all their fears
They sailed through the sunshine, across the green lake
And they drank lemonade and they ate ice-cream cake
They landed in a dark cave as the boat disappeared
And they all stood in darkness, through the shadows they peered
But out of the blackness shone diamonds so bright
Their tiny white hands shielded eyes from the light
In a pool of quicksilver stood Neptune so wise
And pearls were his white teeth, bright diamonds his eyes

He spoke to the children in a voice of velvet
And he beckoned them to him, in a circle they sat
He told of sky island and of his magic cave
And magic pink seashells to the children he gave
They listened intently as the music came far
From the magic pink seashells and nobody talked
But Neptune had vanished when they lifted their eyes
So they walked from the cave as two kingfishers cried
In the bright shiny sunlight, they got down on one knee
They listened to the sea shells of the magical sea

But the day grew much darker, so they climbed on the breeze
And they floated to the village, and the people were pleased
To see them so happy with their tinkling bells
And the people all listened to the musical shells
But the children were so sad, the time had come to leave
So the people waved goodbye and begged them to believe
Of the wonders they had seen in the island of the sky
And the children said they would and away they did fly
Through the white clouds of no time till forever it seems
And the children stayed children and they lived in their dreams

The Feelings of Romance are getting More Intense

The way Peter Sachel describes it, you’d have no idea how much he feels for his partner, “I want to just chill and be chilled out with and stuff… it doesn’t have to be so complicated.” In a report from the AP Peter is nothing more than a FANATIC and obsessive criminal only adding to the stats.

How to make a potion

In the natural magic calendar, the spring festival is aligned with the spring equinox, around March 21st, called Imbolc. It is the day in spring when the nights and days are the exact same length. The original “Easter” festival was related to Oestara, the goddess of dawn, Eos in Greek and the much older Babylonian Ishtar, the goddess of sex, war and fertility. The Christians liked to assimilate the existing festivals and now we have Easter, but the traditional magic of  giving each other eggs is bigger today than ever; and of course, we all know what bunnies are particularly well known for!

 

Alice Wallace is in love!

It’s not everyday that someone falls in love, it’s hardly the everyday kind of occurrence. It’s something that happens on a deep level and it is something everyone dreams about and wants more that anything else in the world. It’s an thing you want and then want? You want to touch, yeah. You want to feel, yeah sure. But ALSO, you want to get married. You have a baby from a previous relationship and you have raised it yourself and you believe, without a doubt that if you just keep loving it and not screaming at it, it will love you back. Why not right? Well we have discovered and uncovered some shit that will greatly upset you. Your baby is predisposed to fall in love with some body else. Yes, it’s true. Someday love will strike so be ready to lose something. But you are gaining something too!

Just give in.

Dear baddaddvice,

I keep resorting to a friend of mine for advice. I am provided with advice that I usually like and try to follow. This is where it gets sticky, she writes a blog called baddaddvice. What does this mean about me? Am I a pawn to her evil tricks? Does a part of my own identity disappear every time I ask her for advice and follow it? What if I start asking her about work and it starts affecting my professional life? What if I start asking her about women and it starts affecting my love life? What if I start asking her about grammar and I start typing and talking like a buffoon? What if I ask her about my dream of one day having a ranch (close to her stupid commune so they can have my manure) and being a cowboy and she rejects that dream as silly and then I never follow it and then I regret it forever and ever and ever and on until the end of time and all time after that too!?!?!?!? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Devotedly, loyally and submissively yours,

Angus

 

To which I respond:

Angus, if you are asking me about this and not someone else, it’s too late for you. Give in!

Also, is badd always bad? Is bad always bad? I give you a few examples for consideration:




Either way, you’re going to need an ice pick

For the Good of the Nation wrote:

Dear Baddaddvice,

What’s the best way to pull off lobotomizing a world leader? I have limited time and resources.

Thanks!

Image source: Polygon data are from BodyParts3D maintained by Life Science Databases(LSDB)

To which I respond:

Dear FTGOTN,

This task is much more difficult to execute than a straightforward assassination, and I would first of all advise you to ask yourself whether, with your limited time and resources, that might be the way to go.

If you have your heart set on lobotomy, the method I recommend is the so-called “ice pick method” pioneered by Walter Freeman. He developed the procedure so that it could be performed by non-surgeon workers in asylums, without access to an operating room. This means that it is probably simple enough to do yourself, and can be done anywhere with little risk to the patient, other than the obvious brain chopping.

All you will need is an icepick and a small rubber mallet. A rock would probably do. Insert the icepick under the top eyelid, behind the eyesocket. Tap it with the mallet to get through the thin layer of bone, and sweep from side to side. Repeat on the other eye. Easy!

In terms of getting away with it, that’s really going to depend on your own skills, but I would say wear all your black skintight clothing and get this person in their sleep in the dead of night. I don’t think the security of world leaders is as good as it’s hyped up to be, in general.

The best part about this plan is that an icepick can be used for either an assassination or a lobotomy, which means you can put off deciding which one you’re going to carry out until the situation demands it. Good luck!

Sources:
How Lobotomies Work, howstuffworks.com
Lobotomy – Walter Freeman, wikipedia.org